Nautilus; Feb 2016 after no longer being a tree

[pineapplesalmon]

One doesn't just immediately recover from no longer having the existential threat of becoming a tree over their head. You don't forget what it was like to be afraid of your own body whenever you were naked. You don't forget banishing all the mirrors around you and making the glass around you non-reflective. You don't stop being greedy for every bit of physical contact that you had missed out on for months.

Caesar would wake up alone. Tadashi was always a call over the network away, but it didn't feel right. They couldn't sit on the same bed and talk or share a cup of hot chocolate. What he needed was Tadashi's presence, but he could never really be there for him.

They were supposed to sleep separately still with Hiro needing Tadashi to be in their room, but that wasn't what happened this night. It was his first first night being normal again, and his first night rejoined with the rest of humanity. Neither Caesar nor Tadashi had wanted to do anything besides have the knowledge that the other was alive sleeping next to them.

Even that hadn't been enough to calm Caesar's mind. What if it really wasn't over? What if it came back? But he couldn't stay away from everyone for even a moment longer...

The nightmares that were his constant visitors these last few months are still here. Eventually he starts stirring and murmuring in his sleep. He startles awake without more preamble, eyes flying open with a gasp as his arm tightens around Tadashi's waist.

Comments

[anewangle]

Caesar, you gotta stop making such sad faces. Except don't actually stop because Tadashi always wants Caesar to be honest about his emotions, but expressions like that sure do make it hard to lay there and listen when all he wants to do is pull the man into a tight hug. So he waits until Caesar is finished before he nods, a warm little smile turning up the corners of his mouth.

"Remembering is important. Telling the stories helps." He lets go of Caesar's hand only to wind his arms around the older man's waist, nudging them both even further into each other's space. "If you're ready and willing... I'd like that."

[pineapplesalmon]

If you want him to stop such sad faces, you need to smile softly at him like that more often. Caesar manages a soft smile back, even through his pain. The only reason he hadn't thought of himself with a man was a perceived lack of tenderness.

He knows now he had nothing to fear; Tadashi drawing him close only reminds him of this. Caesar settles in closer, resting only his upper arm over Tadashi as to not disturb Tadashi's hug.

"I'd like that, too," Caesar is surprised by himself. "... that was easier than I thought. I must finally be ready."

[anewangle]

Consider it done. The smile supply has been a bit lacking lately, but with the worst of things hopefully behind them Tadashi can start building up a buffer again.

"Things always seem simpler in hindsight, but that doesn't discount the work it takes to get there." He gives Caesar a squeeze and looks up at him, fighting down a yawn as he does so. "I'm proud of you."

[pineapplesalmon]

It's a buffer Caesar's going to need for tomorrow. Or later today, more precisely. He's missed moments like this.

"I won't discount it; brains are just strange when it comes to emotions," Caesar smile reaches his eyes properly. "And don't you discount the work you did to help me open up my heart. You should be proud of yourself, too."